Wife: You pick dinner.
Me: WHAT DO YOU WANT?!
Wife: It’s up to you.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) February 22, 2016
“So. When did you break the toaster?!”
— ReeseButCallMeV (@ReeseButCallMeV) January 21, 2016
Know those adorable idiosyncrasies you loved when first dating? After 20 years of marriage they become what the police refer to as “motive”.
— Just Linda (@LindaInDisguise) May 11, 2013
My husband still talks about that one time he loaded the dishwasher correctly like it's going to get our kids into Harvard.
— momma unfiltered (@MommaUnfiltered) July 26, 2015
wife: Why is your back all scratched up?
[flashback to me chasing a raccoon after she told me to leave it alone]
me: I’m having an affair
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) August 18, 2016
Not knowing why your wife is angry at you is the number one reason why she’s angry with you
— Mr. Hookâ¢ (@Phook75) November 3, 2016
When my mother-in-law visits it’s like, Jesus Christ, you gave birth to the love of my life, how can I ever adequately thank you, uggghhh
— REW (@therealeatwood) November 25, 2016
Txt from wife: where r u
Wife:can u feed cat
M: I mean garage
W:bring in laundry
— Grant Tanaka (@GrantTanaka) March 16, 2015
I told my husband I wanted a hedgehog and he said we don’t need a hedgehog. Long story short, we’re picking it up on Thursday.
— ðáááááªá©(s)ð (@3sunzzz) June 6, 2016
My husband is home sick from work today and it’s like having one thousand babies.
— Sarah del Rio (@est1975blog) December 15, 2014